Now I lay me....

Being a parent is exhausting.
Being a single parent is EXHAUSTING!!!
At the the end of the day....I love being a parent. :)

I woke on this beautiful Sunday morning eager for every unplanned moment.
Ok yes....some planned moments. I'm a schedule freak...I like schedules!
The rememberance of September 11th at church was the perfect way to start my day.
And let me tell you that sitting next to my sixteen year old in a pew always softens me.
Today we had a small friend sitting with us as well....her 6 year old muted giggles while playing tic-tac-toe on the church bulletin were a reminder of innocence. That and she was showing no mercy to the sixteen year old. Sometimes the best part of finding the church bulletin in my purse later...is seeing what was written or drawn.

Lunch was had with friends, where we learned the passion of Steelers fans.
I'm pretty sure the seven of us....were the only ones there specifically for the food.
The company was great, the fans were exuberant.

http://thesaurus.com/ (I had to look it up to be sure I was using the best word)
Steelers Fans....Enough said.

Once, home I filled the crock-pot for dinner and took my girl Maggie to the dog park.
She ran and ran and ran and ran. Poor girl....shoulda taken her there weeks ago. Sitting under the trees, with a friend and a cool breeze blowing, we almost lost track of time.....and that's where I realized.....there's still so much left to do!!

Dinner, dishes, pack lunches...wait I wanted to paint my toe nails....laundry...
did I pack the lunches??
"You two stop arguing..."
"Share...." (Like you thought you'd still be saying this to a sixteen and a thirteen year old.)

And if I heard the phrase "that's so annoying" one more time.
I might have screamed...maybe I did :)

"You two stop arguing....."

As the evening came to an end.
Both of my children capitvated by the programs remembering 9/11 and asking questions.
Wanting to know....
Remember, I crave the moments my children want to talk with me....so "we remembered".

The prodigal thirteen year old son accompanies me to walk the dogs...
while riding his skateboard.
I think its a ploy to ride in the street at nite.
But it works for me:)

Did I pack the lunches? Oh geesh....

"Mom, will you remove my toenail polish? My fingernails are wet."
Me: Yes, Silly girl.
"Mom, will you wash my hair for me? I forgot and my fingernails are wet...."
Me:"Baby girl its late...i'm exhausted."

So I took the trash out...put our lunch boxes in the fridge.
Then I hear the bathroom water running.
And realize,...they're not arguing.
They're washing her hair.
 (Insert mooshy silly smile on mother's face here)

And so another Sunday has passed and I am reminded once again.
I'm exhausted.
I'm a blessed exhausted mom....and I wouldn't have it any other way.


PS. Dear God, please forgive the curse word I said as I was leaving the parking lot at lunch. She's got your back and she called me on it.

PSS. We're only human :)

Main Entry:	exuberant
Part of Speech:	adjective
Definition:	energetic, enthusiastic
Synonyms:	animated, ardent, bouncy, brash, buoyant, cheerful, chipper, eager, ebullient, effervescent, elated, excited, exhilarated, feeling one's oats, frolicsome, gay, high-spirited, lively, passionate, sparkling, spirited, sprightly, vigorous, vivacious, zappy, zestful, zingy, zippy

Don't Worry...Be Happy!

So...are you now singin along with Bobby McFerrin?
I remember this song being the ultimate memory from the WHS senior cruise to the Bahamas.
Good Times.
Circa 1988.

Anywho...I've been pondering my future lately.
Thanks to one of my precious children....who shall remain un-named.
Seems I have one child who stated recently,  "Mom, you need to be married before I graduate."
Wow. Really? Not something I had thought of.
But it made me ponder and question my expectations.

Do I need to be? Nooooooo.
Do I want to be? eh....maybe, but i'm certainly not gonna put a finishline on it.

What my children do not envision in their mind is their mother is on an adventure of sorts.
Ok for now its an adventure in my mind. Play along...its my blog.

Moving us to a house I picked for us and making it our home has been somewhat of an adventure. Do they realize I lived at home til age 23?
Don't knock it til you've tried it.
I always wished I had lived on my own in my early twenties.
But 40 is the new 20 right? Ha ha
Family fun growing up in my parents house was well worth the extra years.

This home is for them. When they're graduated and moved on in their lives...home will be where ever I cook their favorite meal, share stories, confidences and love with them. I'm thinking condo. No Maintenance. No yardwork. Life's too short to worry about mowing the yard, only to end up on the couch because I pulled something. By golly dang, if I'm gonna pull something it better be while cliff diving in Hawaii or ziplining in Costa Rica or jump off the high jump at Vortex Springs.
I mean a girl can have dreams right? :)

For now, I'm workin on adjusting to what I am expected to do with my free time when the "teenagers" are busy havin a social life. I can't always be expected to be invited along.
I mean seriously?? What was I thinking?? ha ha
In the beginning of my new status, I took it the wrong way.
Maybe the children don't want to hang around me?
How fun are you worrying about everything as it unfolds?

More than ever, I realize what amazing children they are.
They deserve happiness. They deserve to have fun with their friends.
When they leave or make plans with someone other than me...
it doesnt mean they love me any less. Atleast that's what I tell myself.
They're just growing up. Independence is approaching them.
Well more so for one than the other...but he'll be there before I know it.

It's Thursday evening....
What adventure is waiting for you?

Make every moment count.

"Don't Worry. Be Happy"

Wax on ~Wax off

Funny.... I thought of The Karate Kid tonight and it makes sense for all of life.


Wax on. Wax off.


The balance of life is just that simple.
If only we listened to Mr. Miyagi, we would know.


I listen to my children.
I learn everyday from them.
I adore each of them for every smile, laugh and tear tattooed on my heart.

Sometimes understanding where they're coming from is as simple as going back in my memory of my own childhood with my sister. She's two years younger than me. As an adult you tend to remember the funny stuff more than the sibling squabbles you may have had. I'm sure my sister would have her own version of these memories....remind me to ask her. 
I adored my sister then and still do. Being the older sister I'm pretty dang sure she didn't always feel the love.
I mean for real? Super Star Ken was MINE and I was NOT sharing him with anyone. For the record, I sympathize with the younger sibling, they always think the older one has it made.


What will my children recall in their adult years?
She got an iphone first or he got any cell phone at a much earlier age than she did?
Can I help she's old enough to drive and he's not yet?

It's comical really if you stop and think about it. But trying to find the balance of making each feel as loved as the other can be a challenge. I used to think I felt it was harder because I was blessed to have one girl and one boy. Maybe it's easier for parents with same sex siblings? I'm not sure my mother would agree. She had two different children no matter what the chromosomes say.


My mother always told us she loved us the same. We've all heard it. Now I'm not saying my mom was lying... but I now know how hard it must have been to convince us of this truth.  From the time they were born my children have heard the story of each of their births and know that both of them impacted my life in a way only they could have. Yes, mom was right in that she loved us the same..a love so great that I would give my life for both of them.
I would give either the last piece of chocolate cake if need be. (Seriously, that's love.) 
But lets be honest....each can't be loved the same. They're completely different souls.
Traits from their father, traits from their mother, traits from the people who have helped mold their personalities.

They're just different.

But I know THIS...I will always try my best to make them feel as loved,
respected and treasured as they should feel.
The trick is to do so without making the other feel any less important to me than the other.


Balance is an ongoing work of heart.


"Wax on, right hand. Wax off, left hand. Wax on, wax off. Breathe in through nose, out the mouth. Wax on, wax off. Don't forget to breathe, very important." ~ Mr. Miyagi




Ps. Mom, thank you for loving both of us the same.... with all of your heart.

Hello World

I'm pretty sure I talk too much at work.
I know I talk too much to the dog.
I crave the moments my children want to talk to me.

My random thoughts are lost on the dog I'm sure. Haha

I'm a single mom with two amazing teenagers. Teenagers who are amazing in my eyes. No matter what kind of day I've had or if their dirty dishes are in the sink when I get home from work. They can change my radio station or change their clothes ten times a day. Tell me their bored, hungry and tired, but in the end they're the ones I wake up for each morning and thank god for in my prayers each night. They are my blessings. In their truest form.

After seventeen years of marriage I was forced to realize that hearts don't break even. They ache, they mend, they break a little more...but then they start to heal and grow. As long as I have their hearts in the palm of each hand...I will do my best to make each moment count.

I don't really know what this will be. Only that it will be entertaining to me. I may laugh (because only I laugh at my jokes) vent or admire. But it's a new path for me...so after almost one year of being divorced. I'm carving a new path, a new life and even a new love.

So my first random thought is...
I never used to question my "status" on a new patient history form at the dr's office. It seems simple enough..I know my name, I know my address. I really didnt even cringe at "age" (Fourties are fabulous ya know). But why were they only giving me 3 choices for my "Status"?
Married. Divorced. Widowed.  Some are inclined to say they'll be married forever. I would have been inclined to agree wth you. And widowed? Well I kinda viewed that as proclaiming your undying love for your spouse who has passed. But divorced? I dont want to choose that either! It really isn't a nice word. It's a past tense word I'm not choosing to use as my "status".  So I proceeded to write in Single in the spaces between. And from now on that's what i'm doing in life...filling in the spaces between...with how I view my status.